Monthly Archives: June 2014

They’re Here…

…And I wish they weren’t.

There is no way I could have watched this movie when it was released as I was technically -3 years old. And for that, I am truly grateful. Did you guys think I wouldn’t notice that this movie is so terribly awful that I almost clawed my own face off?

In case you care, here are my initial reactions about a few things that went down in “Poltergeist”:

-When little Carole Anne started talking to the tv and no one thought this was cause for alarm. Um, no.

image

-When the Freeling family started playing human shuffle board with ghosts in their kitchen INSTEAD GETTING THE HECK OUTTA DODGE. Um, no.

image

-But then the ghosts got tired of playing games and were all like, “Let’s have the tree eat Robbie. That’d be fun.” Um, no.

image

-Let’s not forget about Carole Anne getting sucked into closet purgatory. Um, no.

image

-At this point I was already done with this movie, so let’s speed it up… The Freelings bring in some other weirdo’s to help clean things up, including this obnoxious grandma with a baby voice. She succeeds at getting Carole Anne out of closet purgatory and says some dumb stuff like, “This house is clean”. Hahahaha… Um, no.

image

-And then the Freelings were like, “That’s it, we’re moving. But first, let’s spend another night in this haunted house”. Um, no.

image

image

image

Buncha stupid heads.

Now that I’ve taken you through the horror that is “Poltergeist”, I hope we can all agree upon one thing…

My official rating:

image

Tagged , ,

Milton Waddam for President

Wanna know what my favorite part about watching “Office Space” for the first time was? This guy:

image

No, but for realz. Milton Waddam is DABEST.  He’s just a quiet guy who doesn’t ask for much. To illustrate, I’ve made some images for you in Microsoft Paint. (So fancy!)

1) All Milton wants is to listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9 to 11.

image

2) All Milton wants is a freakin’ piece of cake at office celebrations.

image

3) All Milton wants is an office with a window. (Like, I’m such an artist.)

image

4) All Milton wants is a drink without salt.

image

5) And finally, all Milton wants is his red Swingline stapler that doesn’t bind up as much.

image

There were other things I loved about this movie, obvs. Like those other dudes and the big white computers with giant monitors. Oh and now I actually get the Lumbergh Meme! In fact, I made one just for you guys:

image

Anywho, the next time I get a “case of the Mondays” I’m going to pull out this movie OR just take a baseball bat to a printer…

My official rating:

image

Tagged , , ,