Category Archives: Movie Classics

Star Wars – Episode VI. I’m Done Now, Yeah?

So, I’ve finished watching Episodes 4, 5, and 6 for the “Star Wars” trilogy finally… It only took me 30 years!

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(Side note: I’ve been advised by many to NOT watch Episodes 1, 2, & 3 right now, which is good ’cause I’m so over “Star Wars” at the moment). And now I feel fully prepared to watch “The Force Awakens” come December. But what say ye?

Let’s get back to the task at hand…

Here are my favorite moments from “Star Wars – Episode VI: Return of the Jedi”:

-Ewoks. Freakin’ cute, little, Robin Hood-like teddy bears. I can haz one?

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-Ewoks With Weapons. But like, I’d want them on my side in any fight.

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-Baby Ewoks. I want to squeeze it!

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-Ewok Shindigs. Parrrrtaaayyy.

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Ok, ok. Enough about Ewoks. There were other things I loved…

-Speeder Bikes! I can haz one of these too? Zoom zoom. (Even cooler when driven by Ewoks.)

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-Non-Incestuous smooching. PS: His breath must STINK after being frozen for that long.

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-The Rancor Fight. That was pretty entertaining. And gross. And a little bit scary.

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-This guys reaction afterwards. Awww. So sad!

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-Han’s reaction when he finds out that Luke & Leia are twins. Yeah, dude. They made out.

I think I’m ready now for “The Force Awakens” in December!

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Star Wars – Episode Ewwwwwwww

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Before I react to watching “Star Wars: Episode V” for the first time, I’d like to reenact for you a super horrific discovery I had over dinner w/ some work pals mere days before watching “The Empire Strikes Back”…

Coworker #1: “Man, I’m not getting much sleep lately. We’ve got some Jedi Twins living above us.”

Me: “What are Jedi Twins?”

Coworker #1: “Uh….”

Coworker #2: “You know, like Luke and Leia!”

Me: Pausing for a minute to ingest what I’d just heard before proclaiming loudly to the whole restaurant, “Luke and Leia are siblings?!?!” 

Now, I’ve experienced quite a bit of devastation in my life, like that one time I dropped a half-eaten Dilly Bar on the ground a few minutes ago. But you DO NOT KNOW the devastation I felt finding out that the two characters in Star Wars (whom I thought were going to make sweet, little rebel babies together) were in fact, twins. And on top of that, everyone in my immediate surroundings let me go on and on about how cute of a couple they made. Blech!

So (coming back to square one now) here is my reaction to “Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back” in light of this life-altering information:

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Huh? What’s that you ask? What about the whole “Luke, I’m your father” thing? Pshhhhhh… Big deal. I KNEW ABOUT THAT ONE ALREADY.

Anywho, here’s to hoping they find out they are siblings soon. Maybe their friends will tell them over dinner.

My official reaction:

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You Betcha!

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Anyone who spends more than 5 minutes with me knows that I have a pretty conservative, yet colorful vocabulary. I’ve even been known to throw a feisty “Son of a Biscuit!” after being cut off on the 405. So, when I watched “Fargo” for the first time, I felt like I had met my match in Marge Gunderson.

The contrast of the heinous crimes committed in Fargo, North Dakota and sweet Marge casually stumbling into crime scenes is what made the tone of this movie so confusingly awesome…

ME: “Oh, that’s a body in a wood chipper, but it’s hilarious how serious she is with her pregnant belly stumbling through the snow. Like, is it ok that I’m giggling at this right now?” 

I’d now like to quote some my favorite lines in “Fargo” from Chief Marge Gunderson herself:

1) “Oh my. Where? Yeah? Aw geez. Okay, there in a jif. Real good, then.”

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2) Oh for Pete’s sake, he’s fleeing the interview! He’s fleeing the interview!”

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3) “And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper.”

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4) There’s more to life than a little money, ya know. Don’tcha know that? And here ya are. And it’s a beautiful day. Well. I just don’t understand it.”

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5) “Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me, I’m just doing my job here.”

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6) Oh, I just think I’m gonna barf… Well, that passed. Now I’m hungry again.”

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Thanks for the untimely and awkward laughs, Marge. And in the words of your weird ex-boyfriend:

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My official reaction:

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