Tag Archives: movie reviews

Big Nopety Nope Nope

Let me start off by saying before God and everyone who is reading this post that if you recommended this movie to me, you need to buy me a cup of coffee and very carefully EXPLAIN WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU.

(Breath. Calm down, Anna.)

Anyways.

So, I watched the movie “Big” a couple of months back on a plane (which happens to be the worst place to watch a movie that completely makes you question the saneness of humanity and WHY EVERYONE THINKS THIS MOVIE IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE, BUT IT’S NOT AND I’LL TELL YOU WHYYYYYYYYY!).

(Sorry, I’m having a hard time with my capslock button right now.)

I’ll walk you quickly through my thoughts while watching “Big”. It goes like this:

Awww, cute. Kid get’s his wish to be big. That’ll be fun for a day or two!

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Awww, cute. He’s still acting like a kid in his grownup body. Cause, he’s a kid. Make’s sense. 

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Awww, cute. He get’s to play with toys all day. Gimme dat job already! 

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Hmmm, ok. This is kinda weird. Cause he’s a kid… 

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Hmmm, ok. What?! Somebody clue her in already that he is a C-H-I-L-D. 

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Oh, good. Scriptwriter came to his senses. Pwew. Let’s go back to cuteness. 

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Um. I…

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Can’t…

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EVENNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

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He’s 13 years old people. How is this ok on any level! 

Ok. I have to stop here because my blood pressure can’t take it.

Let me just wrap this up by saying that I might give this lady a pass for unknowingly bedding a child, but then she straight-up watches him shrink in his suit and is kinda like, “Awww, cute.”

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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Every single person on the credit list for this movie is CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS.

My official reaction:

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2019 According to Blade Runner

Heya Friends! It’s me, Anna.

Have you forgotten about me? I watch your favorite movie classics for the first time and tell you that I hate them. Mostly. Except for this one time a few days ago when I watched “Blade Runner” and LOVED IT. Mostly.

I’m not gonna lie. It was super creepy, slow, poorly acted and almost all of it was really unbelievable. But there were two really BEAUTIFUL things about Blade Runner: The Production Design and Harrison Ford.

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Despite that, I was most interested in how a film from 1982 depicts what the world is supposed to be like two years from now. Let’s observe 2019 according to “Blade Runner”.

Apparently analog tv’s make a comeback. 

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So does lung cancer. 

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No more water bans and rationing in Los Angeles. Look at all that rain!  

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Vidal Sassoon creates the Wind Tunnel Hair Care System and it blows. 

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Oh and retro-looking flying cars are a thing too. 

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All animals are artificial, but we still think it’s a good idea to have snakes. 

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Replicants want to kill you but first, poetry. 

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And (drum roll) this is what the world looks like 2 years into the Trump presidency: 

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It felt really good to watch this movie, especially since they are remaking making a sequel this year. I’ve had a bluray copy of it in the basement with the plastic on it for 2 years!

My official reaction:

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Robin Hood: Prince of Cheeeezzeee

First of all, I’d like to express my disappointment for having watched “Men in Tights” before “Prince of Thieves”. I might have liked/understood MIT if I had known it was a parody of POT. (Probably not though, let’s just be honest.)

I heart Kevin Costner. Mostly because as a kid we had a beloved VHS copy of “Field of Dreams” and he was just so dreamy in that one. So, I was super stoked to watch this classic for the first time, because… Well… You know…

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Mmm Hmm… Lest we forget Kevin Costner of the 1990’s.

You can imagine my disappointment when this movie ended up being one big ‘ole cheese fest. Don’t get me wrong, I like corny movies just like the next person, but this one was just too much.

Here are the cheesiest things about “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” with reactions from The Sheriff of Nottingham:

1) The Soundtrack
As soon as little notes from Bryan Adam’s hit song started working their way into the film, I felt my gag reflex go off.

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2) Alan Rickman
That guys just SCREAMS cheesy. And isn’t he supposed to be the menacing Sheriff of Nottingham? Why is he so funny then?

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3) The Love Plot
Blech! Like, we all know what’s gonna happen, but why does it have to be so painfully obvious from the start. I mean, Robin Hood and Marian have to fall in love if Bryan Adams tells them to, right?

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4) The One-Liners
So many. So, so many.

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5) The Wedding
I’ve got nothing against Holy Matrimony, but does it really need to be done in the forest with Sean Connery officiating and Bryan Adam’s playing? …I’m done.

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My official reaction:

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