Tag Archives: movie reviews

May the 4th Be With You – Guest Blogger

On May the 4th this year, I FINALLY sat down and watched “Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope″. It was a truly momentous occasion. So that I could focus 100% of my attention on the movie, I asked my friend Lin if he wouldn’t mind blogging about his experience watching me watch “Star Wars” for the very first time. Here is his reaction: 

A long time ago, in a galaxy not so far, far away…
(Literally the same one you are in right now).

STAR WARS
New and Hopeless
(Anna Reacts Edition)

Episode 4loor
(as in I was ROFL the whole time)

It has been 38 years since the day Rebel spaceships struck from a hidden base and won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. The day was May Fourth, Two Thousand and Fifteen. The Jedi council had assembled at the Jedi temple… Well, it was actually Jedi Master Rhysi’s apartment in the West End. It was high up and had a great view of the sunset. So, yeah. Close enough to Corusant.

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Anyway, the council that included Jedi Master Rhysi Claringbullus, Jedi Master Steph Winteru, and myself, Jedi Master Li Nayet Ut, gathered together to discuss why the force is weak with this one particular padawan. If you ask her, she probably doesn’t know what a padawan is, as if she has been living under a rock in swamps of Dagobah. (I can already hear her asking where that is.) The three of us agreed it was time for her to learn the way of the force properly and the first day of school was obviously Star Wars Day…. And yes, I am aware the names need work.

After we watched the single sunset fade off into night, we finally took Padawan Anna through a Star Wars hyperdrive crash course in less than twelve parsecs. These were the most memorable quotes from the night that made the Galactic Empire Buzzfeed list:

1) Anna on Tattooine sunsets: “Double sunset… That’s cool. I thought it was accidental lens flare.”

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2. Anna on Luke meeting Leia for the first time: “He’s young. She’s young. They’re in love.”

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3. Anna on Luke’s house in Tattooine: “These look like fun little huts.”

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4. Anna on opening sequence: “Where’s earth?”
All of us: “No earth.”
Anna: “But, where’s earth?“
“No Earth!”
A few minutes later and a new planet on screen: “Is this Earth?”

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5. Anna on plans for Death Star attack: “This sounds like a sex ed class.” (It was about lasers going into holes.)

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6. Anna on seeing Luke’s Aunt for the first time: “Why does she look like she’s from a western? And everyone else looks like monks.”

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7. Anna on Obiwan chopping hand off in Cantina scene and how none of the customers reacted to the fight: “No big deal, just a hand on the ground. Freaking Game of Thrones up in here.”

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8. Anna on Obiwan: “Obi? That’s a name of a tampon! (It is. I checked.)

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9. Anna on the force being around us, in us and being everywhere: “Sounds like Facebook.”

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10. Anna on C3PO: “C3PO didn’t do anything! I just wanna melt him down and make a bracelet!”

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11. Anna on seeing Obi Wan for the first time: “Obiwan… That’s not his father.”

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12. Anna on R2 saving the day multiple times: “This little droid (R2D2) is the key to it all? That’s messed up.”

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13. “Look at him!” (Luke staring at Leia.) He’s desperate!”

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14. Anna on the look and sound of lightsabers: “Lightsabers remind me of bug zappers.”

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15. “Is he crying?” (Luke sad after Obiwan dying.) “Don’t cry in front of the girl.“

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We’ve barely scratched the surface. Can’t wait to hear what she has to say about “Empire Strikes Back”.

#MTFBY

Our official reaction:

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Big Ba-da Boom!

I’ve just finished my first watch of “The Fifth Element” and big ba-da boom, was it fun! I must admit that the first 15 minutes had me a bit skeptical because, well, those strange aliens that waddled around slowly like they had full diapers.

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Super weird. In fact, for the first ½ of the movie, I felt like a fly on the wall at comic-con. So many crazy costumes!

There were lots of neato, futuristic things throughout the movie that made me wish it was 2263 already! Here’s a few of my favorites:

1) Flying cars, yo! Zoom zoom.

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2) This crazy awesome makeup machine. Less mess and more sleeping in!

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3) Magic microwaves. Full-on meals in 5, 4, 3, 2, gimme dat chicken.

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4) This Chinese Food-to-Window delivery service would be acceptable too.

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5) Super cute alien-elephant pets. So squeezable! Not helpful when choking, however. You’ll be on your own for that one.

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6) The Popo MUST dress like this in the future. Mad respect.

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7) This stylish hair-do. 50% shaven, 50% plastic, 100% awesome.

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8) Beautiful, extra-terrestrial opera singers with dance skillz to die for. Literally. She died.

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9) Sleeping pods for long flights. Yes, please!

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10) Poodle hair and leopard print. The future needs Ruby Rhod style.

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Ok, friends. I think I’m sci-fied out for a while… The next one on the list better be a romantic comedy or else!

My official reaction:

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Alien Anthologeez

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Last week, I watched all 4 movies in the “Alien” anthology for the first time thanks to a lend from one of my coworkers who happens to be a super fan. (Though, if I’m being honest, almost all of my coworkers are super fans of this series…) To set the mood, I watched them by myself, in the dark, late at night, with my pug. This was either a really good idea or a really terrible one. I’ve not decided.

Anywho…

Because each film pretty much runs into the next one, I’ve documented my reactions in run-on sentences. Grammar Nazis, back off!

Alien

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The intro to this movie is soooooo slow, but whoa these sets are amazing and did this really take place in 2122 because look at those computer monitors, ewww that thing just came out of his freaking chest, I can’t even, so that dude was a robot the whole time and everyone else is gonna die on this ship except the cat, oh wait, this one chick is pretty smart so let’s hope she survives, yup she does, pwew can I turn the lights on now?!

Aliens

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Another slow intro and wait a minute, she’s been asleep for 57 years, that’s crazy and there’s wayyyy more pew pew lasers going on in this movie, but this redneck marine guy is kinda funny, THERE’S SO MANY OF THOSE SLOBBERY ALIENS EVERYWHERE, so that redneck marine guy is now the most annoying person in the movie, I want him to die, he just did, look at Ripley go in that machine thingie, so awesome, yay she saved the girl, the end, I’m tired.

Alien3

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Man, she can’t catch a break and now we are hanging out with a buncha chimney sweepers in a weird basement location with more aliens that appear to be faster, stronger, and more CG than ever before, so Ripley shaves her head, then she has one of them inside her NOOOOOOOOOO, and she’s falling backwards into the furnace to die, wait, what, huh, this is dumb!

Alien: Resurrection

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She’s still alive, how is that even possible, I don’t really wanna know, gross they showed me anyways, how can these scientists be so stupid, I don’t care, I’m gonna Google pictures of pugs in bowties, and now there’s a half human, half alien baby just when I thought this movie couldn’t get any stupider, it get’s sucked out a window and it’s entrails are spread into space, gross, I’m out.

NOW, ASK ME IF I LIKED THE ALIEN ANTHOLOGY. JUST ASK ME.

Alien – Yes. Classy, scary, beautiful.
Aliens – Kinda. Fun, but super cheesy and too much pew pew-ing going on.
Alien3 – Not really. Everyone hates this one and I can see why. But def not as bad as….
Alien: Resurrection – Nope to the nope. I’d rather pull off my fingernails one by one.

My official reaction:

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