Tag Archives: Neil Blomkamp

Alien Anthologeez

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Last week, I watched all 4 movies in the “Alien” anthology for the first time thanks to a lend from one of my coworkers who happens to be a super fan. (Though, if I’m being honest, almost all of my coworkers are super fans of this series…) To set the mood, I watched them by myself, in the dark, late at night, with my pug. This was either a really good idea or a really terrible one. I’ve not decided.

Anywho…

Because each film pretty much runs into the next one, I’ve documented my reactions in run-on sentences. Grammar Nazis, back off!

Alien

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The intro to this movie is soooooo slow, but whoa these sets are amazing and did this really take place in 2122 because look at those computer monitors, ewww that thing just came out of his freaking chest, I can’t even, so that dude was a robot the whole time and everyone else is gonna die on this ship except the cat, oh wait, this one chick is pretty smart so let’s hope she survives, yup she does, pwew can I turn the lights on now?!

Aliens

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Another slow intro and wait a minute, she’s been asleep for 57 years, that’s crazy and there’s wayyyy more pew pew lasers going on in this movie, but this redneck marine guy is kinda funny, THERE’S SO MANY OF THOSE SLOBBERY ALIENS EVERYWHERE, so that redneck marine guy is now the most annoying person in the movie, I want him to die, he just did, look at Ripley go in that machine thingie, so awesome, yay she saved the girl, the end, I’m tired.

Alien3

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Man, she can’t catch a break and now we are hanging out with a buncha chimney sweepers in a weird basement location with more aliens that appear to be faster, stronger, and more CG than ever before, so Ripley shaves her head, then she has one of them inside her NOOOOOOOOOO, and she’s falling backwards into the furnace to die, wait, what, huh, this is dumb!

Alien: Resurrection

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She’s still alive, how is that even possible, I don’t really wanna know, gross they showed me anyways, how can these scientists be so stupid, I don’t care, I’m gonna Google pictures of pugs in bowties, and now there’s a half human, half alien baby just when I thought this movie couldn’t get any stupider, it get’s sucked out a window and it’s entrails are spread into space, gross, I’m out.

NOW, ASK ME IF I LIKED THE ALIEN ANTHOLOGY. JUST ASK ME.

Alien – Yes. Classy, scary, beautiful.
Aliens – Kinda. Fun, but super cheesy and too much pew pew-ing going on.
Alien3 – Not really. Everyone hates this one and I can see why. But def not as bad as….
Alien: Resurrection – Nope to the nope. I’d rather pull off my fingernails one by one.

My official reaction:

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Johnny 5 is Chappie?

HOLD UP – I feel obligated to tell you that there are “Chappie” and “Short Circuit” spoilers below. Though, if you’ve not seen “Short Circuit” either, then you’re a big loser face like me and you deserve to have it ruined for you.

Four weeks ago, I went to watch “Chappie” with my brilliantly talented colleagues from Image Engine for the first time. Here’s some of my Asset Team Family that I was able to con into taking a photo with me:

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Two weeks after that I sat down at home to watch “Short Circuit” for the first time. And I’ll agree that the two movies are a lot alike.

Here’s a breakdown of similarities that I found between Johnny 5 and Chappie:

1) They were both created as military/police robots.

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2) In the beginning, they are pretty shy.

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3) They announce themselves in 3rd person. A LOT. They are both alive, in case you are wondering.
“I am consciousness. I am alive. I am Chappie.”
“Number 5 is alive!” 

4) Both are child-like, sentient robots that absorb knowledge at super-speed. Also, they both read books.

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5) They both see Volkswagens Chappie paints one, and Number 5 sees one as a cloud formation in this scene.

6) At first, neither of them know how dangerous they actually are.

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7) Then, when they learn they have the power to “disassemble” others their consciences kicks in.

8) Both make a mess in the kitchen.

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9) They both lose an arm and get a replacement.

10) Johnny 5 and Chappie both drive like a boss.

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11) Lastly, how do I say this? …Token Indian friend?

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Pwew! That’s a lot of similarities. The biggest similarity though, is that they both did poorly in the way of ratings when they were released. 😦 I guess cute, childish robots aren’t for everyone. For me though…

My official rating:

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